eighty two minutes.

it took eighty two minutes last night for pratt to fall back asleep.

eighty two.

do you know how long that is? so, so incredibly and painfully long.

we're talking...four "friends" episodes. you know on dvd with no commercials.

we did just like the book said and put him down as soon as we noticed he was getting drowsy. this was at 745 pm.

he woke at 342 am. he fell back asleep at 504 am.

i almost went and got him after an hour. but clint convinced me to wait. i'm actually surprised that clint is still here this morning. i whined more than pratt for those 82 minutes.

at 504 am, i wanted to do cheerleading jumps. i wanted to do backflips. i wanted to call everyone i knew and tell them the good news.

he woke at 745 am.

he slept nearly 12 hours. minus the 82 minutes, of course.

the book says that around 4 months, they begin to take a morning nap at 9 am. so this morning at 8, i started to worry. i wondered if because he got up at 745 and not 7....did this mean he won't be going back to sleep until 945? a solid 2 hours in between? the book is really good about saying that nothing should be too regimented. that nothing should be set in stone. just go with what you feel. your instincts.

well, at 9 i noticed him getting sleepy. so i took him upstairs to the glider. he took the rest of his bottle. not even an ounce. and his eyes began closing.

i put him in his crib. he whined for maybe...maybe 2 minutes.

it's now 922 am, and he's been asleep for 15 minutes.

heaven. heaven on earth.

i'm finding dr. weissbluth and writing him a thank you note. and i might send him flowers. and donations for any organizations that he is affiliated with. and food, cookies. i hope he likes chocolate chips. and i might just buy him a cow from heifer. seriously, if i had the money, i would. i'd buy a cow in his honor. that's how much the fulks family is loving dr. weissbluth.

i'm going to go...well, i dunno. i might go fly. at this point, i feel like standing on the roof of my house and screaming something like, "i'm the king of the world!".

go baby go.

when i was a kid, one of my favorite places to go was to oaklawn. i loved watching the horses run. but more than that...i loved.loved.loved spending the entire day with spencer and my dad.

pratt got to watch one race today. and then we headed back to the condo for some rest.

i know that as he gets older, he'll love going with my dad. and his dad. and maybe if he's lucky they'll take him to rocky's corner to eat pizza afterwards.

he is so serious sometimes...

he loves his dad. something about how calm clint is. soothing.



sugar and i left early with pratt in tow. it was so stinkin' cold. the wind was blowing 90 to nothing. for whatever reason, pratt decided sugar's nose would be something good to hang on to. i laughed so hard taking this picture. you can't really tell, but one of his fingers is in her mouth...and the other is up her nose.



here is sugar making him giggle. she's so funny.

also, a special thank you to those of you who have given me advice about sleeping.

to christa and katie...you guys rock my face off! seriously! that book has been a lifesaver.

"healthy sleep habits, happy child".

if you've never read it and you have a child...go get it. if you're pregnant, go get it. i wish i had purchased it 4 months ago. dr. weissbluth is so kind and non-judgmental. it's great. and great for so many different approaches to parenting.

apology.

i need to say that i'm sorry. i didn't mean to throw my husband under the bus with the previous post.

he is a wonderful husband. i've said that one here a million times. there have been at least 2 posts that were specifically about how great he is.

i am emotional. i say too much to people that i shouldn't.

i never meant to hurt his feelings. or be critical of him.

the point of my post was about how when i think i have nothing else within me, God shows me that i do. you know, when a door closes...another one opens. or something like that.

my husband is great. wonderful. smart. loving. all of it. i should have said things better.

please accept my apology.

overflow.

so, so much on my mind. i'll try to make sense of it. if my grammer is bad, i apologize. i am having trouble keeping thoughts separate at the moment...so sorry if this jumbles together.

pratt has been fighting sleep like a maniac lately. the past four nights, he's slept from around 830 to 530 or 6. it's been heaven. but getting him to sleep, not heaven. the other place.

last night was the worst so far. he took his last nap at around 1230. and woke around 1. at 4, i put him down and he woke after about 10 minutes. i figured it was because he was wet. i changed his diaper, gave him more bottle...and nothing. no sleep. at 6, he was exhausted and his mom was beyond exhausted with the worlds world headache. splitting. light hurt. sound hurt. everything hurt. he was standing in his car...grasping the windshield as tight as i've ever seen him do. just staring a hole in me. he was flat exhausted. but was not giving up the fight.

clint got home around 7. something like that. it's all really starting to run together. i just remember he said something like, "oh, good...no nap...maybe this means he will sleep all night again."

let me just say something here. NO! NO! NO! that is NOT what this means. i have told him this over and over and over again. no nap means no sleeping at night. for whatever reason...he's one of the smartest people i know...but he DOES NOT get this. no nap means overtired. and i don't care that he says this doesn't make sense. IT DOES. it's real. i live it. alot. i live the overtired thing alot. i'm the one getting up at all hours of the night. so trust me on this.

he makes the comment...and immediately, i'm done. stick a fork in me. done. d.o.n.e.

i had to fight the urge to get in my car and just drive away. anywhere. turn up the music as loud as it would go and drive. maybe to little rock...maybe to oklahoma. maybe to check on those people in the hudson river. pretty much..anywhere. but i swore a long time ago, i'd never leave. and this is considered leaving. so i hung around.

it's around 730 at this point. pratt is fussy. i get a bottle and i'm convinced that i'm feeding him and he's going to bed. clint tries to help me. i told him no. that i could do it. at this point, i meant business. and i didn't want there to be any play going on. i wasn't in the mood for play. i wasn't in the mood for late night laughs. i wanted sleep.

8 pm. i put him in his bed. he is exhausted. eyes shut. breathing slowed down. limp like a ragdoll. when i lay him down and get him semi-swaddled, he wakes. those big eyes open wide. and he begins to whimper. i just kiss his forehead and walk out.

downstairs, clint is working on his dinner. it's 8 pm and i haven't eaten...since oh, i dunno...1. seven hours ago. so i stand there. watching him make his own dinner. while i hear my child on the monitor begin to cry harder. the noise begins to rise. a little louder. it's getting worse by the minute.

i turn the oven on to make mini corn dogs. because that's literally all we have to eat. besides the ramen that my husband is making himself.

i have about 5 mini corndogs out when i get so angry. it hits me all at once.

i have cleaned bottles. i have cleaned house. i have cleaned a butt, a face, a runny nose. all of it. i've done it all by myself all day. i have a splitting headache. my child is now getting louder and louder and i look over at my husband. and you know what he's doing? he's stirring the noodles of his ramen into that dang bowl as slow as molasses.

i think he said something like, "i'll go get him. let me eat first."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

seriously!!!!???? seriously????? "let me eat first." did he really just say that?

there have been times when i've not been able to urinate because i'm busy with the child. nursing or changing a diaper or whatever. "let me eat first". o.m.g.

i think i'll put that on his tombstone. i need to write that down so that maybe 80 years from now, i'll think it's funny and not want to kill him for it.

i scream horrible words at him. horrible. and he says things right back. so don't go feeling all sorry for him (i know my mother thinks i'm terrible...and she is always on his side. so mom, don't be feeling sorry for him at this point. he deserved some of it just for making his own dinner and not asking if i was hungry. which of course i was because i hadn't eaten since 1. and i'm chubby and tend to eat every 3 to 4 hours. like a baby, yes)

i go upstairs. and i won't go into detail here...because again, it all runs together. but i remember leaning down into pratt's crib. he had tears all over his face. tears get me. they get me good. i leaned down, put my face up to the right side of his face. cheek to cheek. i'm holding his tiny little left hand in mine. i'm holding onto the side of the crib with my left hand. i'm doing the "shhhh". and i feel his little right hand come up. it ever so slightly moves around...and then he finds my forehead. and as gentle as anything i've ever experienced, he rubs my forehead with his tiny little hand. back and forth. it's at that point, i begin crying.

he has been getting pretty good with his hands. trying to reach for things. but he's never gentle about it. he's rough. he's not good with fine motor skills yet. and has a tendancy to pop you on the face. or the chest.

but not this time. this time, he moves with such grace that i am sure it was God moving through him. i am one hundred percent positive it was my Father. telling me to slow down. telling me that this little boy needs me. reminding me that i'm the mom now. and i can't go to my room anymore, slink down on my bed and cry out, "i want my mommy." because i'm the mom.

because there is a new child who will cry that. and i'm the big person who needs to be there. when all i want to do is run away.

he finally fell asleep. and i wish i could say that clint was right. and that he slept through the night. but i mean, come on. of course he didn't. he was overtired. and he woke at 1. and at 3. and then again at 5. and we were up and at 'em around 7.

he's sleeping now and has been for about 30 minutes. hopefully today he'll sleep better.

it's like i find myself at a new low. and then, with His perfect timing...i'm given the strength to get back up again.

and ps. i love my husband. but i promised myself long ago that i'd be honest here. unfortunately, pratt will not grow up in a house where clint and i don't argue. he will see us get upset with each other. but he will always know...he will always always always find comfort in knowing that we WILL work through it.

i remember seeing my parents get upset with each other. my mom had her hands full. she would leave to go to the grocery and we'd come downstairs and say, "dad, where's mom." he'd say something like, "well, you girls were fighting and wouldn't listen or eat your dinner...so she's gone to new york to live with aunt carol."

i assume she was always just driving around to let off stress. but she always came back. and we knew it.

what i'm saying is that there is no point in me trying to act perfect. clint and i argue. we fight. i cry. he doesn't...probably because i do enough for both of us.

but we will always work it out. because a cord of three strands is not easily broken, right? right.

behind. way, way behind.

pratt turned four months old on tuesday. the thirteenth. but i'm waiting to do the full four month post until our doctor's appointment next week.

in other news...

anderson micheal fisher was born january 14th at 10:47 am to proud parents andy and clara. he is doing well...and they all expect to go home tomorrow! he looks so much like his beautiful mom! i cannot wait to meet him! last night clint told pratt that his "best friend forever" had been born. i think pratt understood. he smiled.

here are some pictures from the past few days.









everything, and i mean everything goes in his mouth lately. he loves for you to let him grab your fingers and pull up to a sitting position. when he gets at about a 45 degree angle, he opens his mouth as wide as he can get it, and lunges for your fingers, hands...whatever he can find and fit in his mouth.

the picture below is evidence. i was rocking back and forth with him yesterday afternoon. as soon as he could, he would open his mouth and try to eat my nose.

hilarious.

ms. sharons.

on my birthday last year, my mother brought me my baby book. i have always loved my baby book...but it had extra special meaning last year because i was pregnant. and that day, i sat and read that thing from cover to cover. and it had a whole new meaning.

pratt looks like clint. i know, i know. exactly like clint. with my chin...but pretty much he is a little clint. that's what my dad always says when he sees him, "well, hello little clint!"

the other night, a friend of mine found me on facebook. her name is amber. i haven't seen her since we were kids. we lived on the same street at our first house. peppertree.

anyway, i was trying to find a picture of her for clint to see. i figured there might be on in my babybook. before i knew it, we were looking at all the pictures my mom kept inside it.

and we came across this one...

i LOVE this picture. i always have.

this was my preschool class at ms. sharon's. in 1983. to 1984.

i am on the back row. the sixth person from the left. and you can't see it, but ms. sharon is holding my hand. i was a nervous wreck. clint said i was a teacher's pet. it wasn't that...it's just that i was painfully shy for such a long, long time. i still have a touch of social anxiety...and i think it's left over from my younger years. there is nothing more difficult for me than walking in a room full of strangers...who knows.

my favorite thing about this picture is on the front row. last kid on the right side.

he is wearing a red shirt. and blue jeans. and he has the greatest head of hair ever.

it's jarrod wolfe. some of you probably don't know jarrod...that's irrelevant. look at his face. priceless.

i loved preschool. i should probably write ms. sharon and thank her. she might be the reason i have always loved school. i'd go back right now if i could take pratt with me.

i remember when you walked in the front door, there was a huge jukebox. and it played "eye of the tiger". and one day we acted like eskimos and we ate sardines and built igloos with marshmallows.

and i think we went on a fishing trip to debbie and tim reynolds house. and i caught my first fish. my mom kept that thing in the freezer for a month. no one at my house knew how to skin it.

neelie is in the picture. she's on the second row. hidden behind kari davis who looks like she might kill neelie if she moves. kari's face is hilarious.

anyway, this is really for jarrod and heather. i figured heather would love it.

our weekend.

what a wonderful and busy weekend we had!

saturday i helped with a small group shower for our adorable friends, allison and tyler. and their beautiful little girl madeline.

i've talked about these girls before. they really are the best. we were blessed beyond measure finding them at our church. each of them has their own unique personality...and when we get together...it's...well, perfect. i love each of you so much.



here is a picture of pratt and madeline. so sweet. i love her little face! she is going to be such a wonderful big sister for baby tucker.

i was gone most of the day. so once cookie and my dad brought pratt back home, clint had him all to himself. i think they had a wonderful day together...so much so that pratt didn't really want to fall asleep that night...and didn't really stay asleep for longer than 30 minutes throughout the night :)

i received several pictures from clint while i was away. this is one of them. pratt has fallen fast asleep in his jumper.



here is a video that clint took. pratt has the jumper completely figured out!



and, we got carpet finally! i'm so excited about it. it's actually carpet that has been bound into a rug. we've got stained concrete and hardwood...so we were worried about having a surface for pratt to crawl on. so thank you to pops...we now have a new rug for our living area!

in other news...clint moved the furniture so that when seated in the living room...everyone has a view of the tv. can i tell you how much i hate this? a tv should not be the center of a room. oh well, i guess it's not really that important in the big scheme of things. maybe while he's at work, i'll move it back and he won't notice :)