thinking.

more than ever before, i've been thinking about what it means to be a mother.

clint woke up this morning around 330. if he barely moves, i'm wide awake. i'm not sure if this is because so much is going on in our lives or what...but i'm constantly worried about him. worried that he's okay. worried that he's unable to sleep. worried that he's worried.

so after he fell back asleep, i was wide awake. i layed there for a long, long time just looking at him. and wondering if i would have believed someone who would have told me when i was 18 years old that in 10 years...i would be married and have a baby on the way. i know that 28 seems old...but i don't really feel old. just yesterday, i wondered if i had to give up rap music when the baby gets here. probably so...

my dad jokes that when spencer and i would walk through the front door, the first thing that would come out of our mouths would be "mom!". we always called for her. always wanted to know if she was there...and if she wasn't...where she was. i can remember when we were little there being times when we'd go downstairs and ask him where she was. he would say (on more than one occasion), "well, ya'll were so bad that she's run off to new york city". even though i knew that most likely she was running errands...there was always a fear associated with her being gone.

i guess that's because deep down i knew that my life would completely change if she really had run away. i'm not sure how we would have survived. my dad refuses to go into grocery stores...something about the grocery carts making him nervous. :) if you know him...this makes complete sense. and we probably would have eaten every meal from popeyes or sonic. or arbys.

i was flipping out the other day to my parents and clint about how little i know about babies. i made the comment that i don't even know how to put them down to sleep. do they sleep on their sides or on their backs? what if they throw up? then what happens? oh my gosh...

my dad said something about..."well, that's why your mom is going to come up and help you." and she laughed and said, "yes...and hannah, i didn't know any of that either. you just wing that kind of stuff. you learn as you go."

that is so frightening to me. learn as you go. whatever. i'm not that kind of person. i need order. i need instructions. i need a list. i'm convinced that everyone should have to go through a class in high school...and again in college...on "how to be a parent".

we had this class at ouachita where we had to learn about the library. i think. it was actually so boring..that i can't even remember what it was called. anyway...it was pointless. but everyone had to take it. i think that it would have been much better for everyone to have been forced to take a parenting class...as opposed to this. at least that way, i would know how to lay a baby down. the dewey decimal system is useless to me at this point.

anyway. i take for granted what my mother is to me, my sister and my dad. and everyone around her. she's not just a "mom" to us...she's a "mom" to many.

i hope that one day, i'm as good at that job as she is.

30 week update

just stuff to remember. because i'll inevitably forget.

one. i can feel this baby kick all the time. when i roll over on my side, he goes crazy. think billy blanks in taebo. like that exercise where you act like you're hitting the little bag. that's how it feels.

two. i've been walking with my friend natalie. early in the morning before it's unbearable to be outside. it's really nice. with one exception. my fingers get so, so swollen. remember that scene in beetlejuice where they're at the table singing..."daylight come and me want go home...six foot, seven foot, eight foot, punch!"? there's that guy named otho. he's chubby. and at one point the shrimp on his plate come up and grab his face. like fingers. that's how fat my fingers get while walking...they look just like those shrimp. they're so chubby that when we get done, i can't grasp anything. my hands won't close.

three. i bet i void four times every hour. seriously.

four. it's impossible for me to get up out of bed without rolling over to my side and then pushing myself up off the bed. i can no longer just sit up from a laying down position.

five. nancy got us a great glider with an ottoman. i love sitting in it and gliding. and as much i didn't think i'd ever say this...i do enjoy the tv clint left in the baby's room. it will be nice when i'm up late at night.

six. i've already started getting labels ready for birth announcements. i figured it'd be easiest to do this now because once the baby gets here, i'll have little time. so i'm putting addresses on labels so then i can just stick them on the envelopes. i'm thinking that we'll do an announcement/christmas card all in one.

that's all for now. i'm really enjoying this part. i feel so close...but know that i still have a ways to go.

i was in hobby lobby today and saw all the fall/autumn decorations. i love fall. i love the weather. the color of the trees. i realized that when it gets here...the baby will be here. i was completely overwhelmed.

our lives are about to completely and totally change.

i think i can honestly say that neither of us could be more excited.

first try at a 3d picture...

so we went in on july 3rd for a 3d ultrasound.

however...the baby did not cooperate...and neither did my placenta. the baby kept his arms up at his face for the first half of the hour. being from camden, i'd like to think that maybe he was being true to mom's hometown and throwing some gang signs...maybe giving a shout out to craig...saying something about "them are 20's...no, they're really 10's but i keep em clean"

anyway....once he moved his hands/arms...my placenta was right in front of his face. so when the swoop of the machine occured...it got placenta and face. we got small glimpes here and there...but nothing perfect.

trust me...we tried everything. the ultrasound tech basically laid the table back to where i was pretty much standing on my head. and then she had me laying on my sides..my stomach...my back...all in an attempt to "have gravity take hold". it never did.

here is the one picture we got that you can semi see anything. the night we got it done, clint was looking at it. he was in the kitchen...and i was in the living room...and he said, "is it just me, hannah...or is this the cutest kid you've ever seen?"

we go back in two weeks, and she'll try again for a better picture. if we get one, i'll post it.

we had our first childbirth class last night. what an adventure. i'll just leave it at that. :)

my life.

clint came home for lunch. which means we're watching espn. and there was a commercial for pizza hut. and they have something new....

they are hershey's dipping dessert sticks. oh my goodness. i'm going to trick clint into ordering a pizza tonight...and then "act" like we just received a free order of these...:)

there is no way he'll fall for it. but seriously...do those not look so good? i didn't think they could top cinnasticks...but i'm pretty sure they have...

monogramming..

i love monogrammed things. anything with initials, names, etc.

this probably started when i was a kid. i would use paint pens on everything. my phone, my caboodle, my bookbag. everything.

and having a baby...makes this obsession even greater.

so i have to show some of the things we've received that are monogrammed.

tanna's sweet little bathrobe for baby fulks.

a very, very soft blanket from nancy.

a gown for the baby. it's one of those great ones that has a drawstring at the bottom. this is from debbie reynolds and neelie. it's so soft and sweet. i cannot wait to see him in it!

and this is a robe that matches the baby's gown. mine says, "pratt's mom". and there's a nightgown too. the material is so soft. thank you again debbie! i love them!

happy july fourth

because he looks so cute in his linen shirt and seersucker shorts...and i don't want to forget it.

i'm there.

so everyone has been waiting on my first neurotic breakdown.

here it is.

we went to get our 3d ultrasound today. so the baby has his arms/hands in front of his face most of the time. yes, for like 30 minutes. and my placenta is in the way. so the whole "sweep" motion...well, it's not working out. we got one good picture...but you can't really tell anything. although clint is convinced that based on what he saw, the baby has my nose and my chin. he has looked at the picture so many times. it's really, really sweet.

anyway...on to the neurotic behavior. (moreso than normal or average)

the baby is weighing in at 3 pounds. but i'm only 29 weeks. so the woman doing the ultrasound tells us that this means he's above the 50% percentile. so i immediately start worrying. and i decide then and there...on the ultrasound table...that my nine pound weight gain last month is the reason that i've made this child chubby.

then she tells us that his legs are long. they're measuring at like 31 weeks. what. ev. there is no way that clint and i are having a child with long legs. that is impossible.

he's measuring at like 30 weeks. but he's not 30 weeks. he's 29. and we've been told over and over and over again that the later in the pregnancy...the measurements are off. and they're less reliable.

so now...i'm here alone...and i've searched the internet...and i'm convinced (after reading lots and lots of journal articles on uams' website) that my nine pound gain is the reason for this child measuring in at 30 weeks.

i'm starving. and want a bbq sandwich. but instead, i've had an orange. and some ice chips. oh...and my vitamin and iron pill.

i feel guilty. whitney said this would happen. she said that once you have a child, you begin to feel guilt. it's working....he's not even here...and i'm feeling guilty.

i can feel kicks...or maybe they're punches...this child is hungry. and i know the feeling....oh, do i know the feeling...